So, I've just returned to town after a week long retreat where I got to be the student and simply listen and absorb the wisdom of the path based on someone else's experience. What a relief! What a pleasure! What a joy! Being guided through the process of self-examination, instead of guiding myself through provides a depth of clarity and observation unachievable by my lonesome.
One of the many observations I made while on retreat was the fact that I'm feeling tired of, as in done, or I-need-a-break from, the Yoga Sutra exploration that has been my focus for the last 3 years. This isn't new for me. I knew it was there, just below the surface, but I didn't want to deal with it. First off, it's listed on my weekly class schedule. Secondly, my students have come to expect it from me and, thirdly, it deeply informs the subject of all of my workshops and retreats this year. To make matters even more difficult, I had just announced in my latest newsletter that I had begun blogging about the Sutras and you could join me for an online exploration.
The only question worth asking at this point is why, oh why, did I up the ante on myself (publicly) right when I was feeling most uncertain about what I was doing? Aside from the fact that it might have something to do with a Chinese fortune cookie I received in a Japanese restaurant telling me to take a risk, I suspect it was my way of flushing out a little something that I had been doing my best to hide from, which is this: It is really hard to write about those damn Sutras without sounding like I'm preaching the moral high road, which I can't stand and I'm not quite certain how to get around, but which feels really good to finally say!
What feels infinitely better is what came after I admitted what I truly felt: My job and my teachings have never been about having the answers. What is much more vital and relevant to me is creating the appropriate space for exploring and investigating whatever comes up. This is what I teach, this is what I'm interested in and this is what the verses in the Yoga Sutras guide me back to time and time again.
So here is the deal, I'm not giving in, I'm not giving up, but as I take a step back to find a way of writing that feels honest, earnest and congruent with my worldview I will be slowing down. I will continue to blog about the Sutras, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it will be more about my process of navigating the Sutras rather then the actual Sutras themselves. For the truth about my spirit and the teachings rendered through it is that they both move organically and much more deeply when left to their own accord.
So, it comes to this: If you are interested in learning more about the path of Yoga laid out by the ancients, come to class. If you are interested in how one modern woman moves through the multitude of "stuff" that get stirred up by the Sutras, tune in here! Either way I hope to see you soon!
