Persistence

Yes, I am talking about the male species. The combination of several Bintang and my intention to be more social put me face to face with Wayan. He arrived at the restaurant I was visiting last night and after a bit we got to talking, as best as my Bahasa Indonesian and his English could possibly get us.

From what I can gather, he is a transport driver (motorcycle & taxi), tattoo artist and broken-hearted middle aged Indonesian who likes to drink Bintang and I somehow agreed to go to the discotheque with him the next night at 9pm for dancing, and dancing only.

I love to dance. Christ, I'm a yoga instructor, movement is in my blood and when the weather is warm and my body is too hot to allow my mind to think, I just want to move to my own blessed rhythm. We agreed that he would pick me up via his motorcycle at 9pm and head to the discotheque. I spent the whole night brooding.

I don't know this man, nor the ways of the Indonesian culture. All in all, they seem happy and kind and sociable, but, again, I do not know this man, nor the situation I am getting into. Additionally, riding a motorcycle in Asia can be a harrowing adventure, one that I am not opposed to, but one that would definitely take me to places I would not know how to get away from.

I decided that I would not go, then fretted over my intention to be more social. This is always what happens when I make a resolve. Life gives me a situation to clarify exactly what that intention means. So, I decided I would go under my terms. No driving. I didn't want to be anywhere I couldn't trace my way out of and I wasn't drinking - at all. Then, I wavered. Maybe I should trust the world more, it's just dancing. But, no that is stupid, I should do what I feel comfortable with. But what about my intention? Who cares? What about safety? Maybe it will just keep on raining and he won't come and I won't have to decide...probably not.

I headed out for dinner around 6 and walked around a while afterwards. As I headed back into the hotel complex, I ran into Wayan. I thought Asia ran on the same clock as Brazil - at least 2 hours late, here was 2 hours early. I told Wayan I wasn't going anywhere by motorcycle. He said that it's ok, he brought the car. I said I didn't know him and I did want to go by car. I told him I would walk, not drive. He said he doesn't walk. We went back and forth. Finally, he agreed he would walk somewhere nearby for one drink, which was really the only way I was going anywhere.

We chose a place with live music, which is good because our conversation was pretty limited and sang along to UB-40 and the Beattles, whom I loath, (sorry everyone). I said one beer, but the waitstaff and Wayan teamed up against me and I ended up with 3. Thankfully, Bintang is weak beer and I held my own. Wayan continued to tempt me with the discotheque, a short drive away in Kuta and owned by a good friend of his. When that didn't work he tried wine, dinner and another beer. All of which I refused. He was persistent and I thought I was convincing him that I would be returning to my hotel after our drinks, but his pursuit continued. Finally, I pulled out the ace-in-the-whole: the boyfriend card. He is in Australia and I'm headed there to visit him. Really.

I hate having to pull this card out. Hate it, hate it, hate it. It makes me feel like I can't stand on my own. Like I have to resort to some underhanded and outside-of-my-own-powers trick. But it works. He looked around, let it sink in, stood up and said, "I'm going." I was surprised. First, that this was all it took to create an impenetrable boundary. Second, that I didn't just say it to begin with.

This highlights two of my main experiences with men. 1) I'm better off if I just saying exactly what I want/need/expect to begin with. 2) Every time I say what I want/need/expect they get up and leave. Whatever happened to dancing with the people you meet? Why must we always jump to the chase when there is so much room to move around and dance right here?