Choices

The other day I went to my 3rd yoga class at a highly esteemed studio in Bali, the only place I have purchased a class card to on this entire trip. For the 3rd time in a row I was totally annoyed by the teachings...to the point that I had funny images in my head of walking up to the management and saying that I thought their classes kinda sucked, but if they wanted to hire me, I could make them at least 10x better. But I didn't really do that. I just broiled, instead!

It's not that the classes are that bad, it's just that they haven't been that good. The teachers are obviously trained and have some sort of spiritual practice, but they lacked true depth. Heck, maybe my classes lack depth, too, I don't know, but either way what I really want to talk about is the affect this had on me.

The first class I went with it the best I could, although a disengaged mind is a wandering mind. So I watched the rice paddies, looked at Mt. Agung in the distance, felt the breeze and told myself that this weird girl only had me for another hour at best and I could work with that. In fits and starts, I did work with her and in much the same way, I resisted her, too. But by the end of class I paid fine attention to her announcement to hear when she was teaching again (must avoid) and noticed that even un-enjoyable yoga still has some positive after-effect.

Turns out she was a sub, so I concluded that I might have better luck with a regular teacher. I tried again the next day. This teacher had simple and wise tidbits he laid down throughout his restorative class, which didn't involve anything restorative except savasana.

The last class was a Yin class, the kind that is so simple and easy that it takes a highly qualified teacher to lead the journey. I was determined to like this class, which may not have been the best attitude, but it was my attitude either way.

One of the things that I have come face to face with on this journey is that the only thing we ever really bring to one another is our energy. It gets expressed through all sorts of things like language, the words we choose, tone of voice, how we dress, what we share, etc. and this experience is of course amplified when you do not speak the local language nor have much basis in the cultural customs. In these circumstances, all you have is the energy you carry with you. So I decided that I did not want to surround myself with dislike anymore. It wasn't the kind of energy I wanted to carry with me, present to myself or share with others. I was going to like this class.

It started off with a 30 minutes guided meditation. That is a long sit and 1/3 of the class and, did I mention it was guided, which I absolutely, um, hate. Basically, I listened to this guy talk for 30 minutes. I'm not saying it wasn't meditative, but I am saying that I didn't enjoy it. Luckily we moved into the physical practice at that point and I figured I would have a opportunity to find some liking in that. Mostly, I did like it, as long as he wasn't talking. But the thing was he talked alot, which eventually got me into a whole lot of internal talking, too.

When is he going to stop talking? Why can't I stop listening to him? How much longer is this going to go on? Is he really telling me to breath in and releeeeeeaaaaassssse all tension, AGAIN?! That was when I remembered that I had a choice. I couldn't change him, his style of yoga nor the cadence of his voice and I couldn't make myself like what I didn't like, but I didn't have to have a bad time just because I didn't like what was happening. I made a choice and that choice was to enjoy my dislike. It worked like a charm.

My face soften, my breath deepened and I spent a good deal of time laughing inside about how much fun it can be to not like something.

Om Bolo Sat Guru Bhagavan Ki!
Jai!